Hi, I‘m Paul. I am Bisexual.
I’m an actor-writer-director, native and proud Virginian living an hour outside NYC in Garrison, NY with my black lab puppy, Gracie, who is the cutest animal currently alive on the planet earth. I love my friends and my family, playing guitar and singing — and laughter. I’m extremely passionate and motivated to create work that deals with bisexuality and being a male bisexual, with the artist-activist hope that my work will someday contribute to increasing understanding and lessening societal hostility towards bisexuality. I have six nieces and nephews and dozens of little folk in my life, kids of friends, and they all bring me great joy. Sometimes at night if I can’t fall asleep I flip through their faces in my mind instead of counting sheep. Does anyone really count sheep? I would love to adopt kids at some point in the not too distant future and to settle down with a partner.
What being bisexual means to me
If I’m honest, I’ve probably let myself get bogged down too much in the alienation I’ve felt from being bisexual and the anger I’ve accrued over the years at the casual hostility I’ve experienced from the gay community, particularly gay men. So I think at this point in my life, being bisexual for me is intricately wrapped up with forgiving others and myself and even more importantly recognizing and confronting the ways in which I am responsible for having created or allowed for an environment to exist where denigrating bisexuals is widely considered acceptable behavior. So being bisexual for me, right now, means being active and being out — again and again and again. And in as charming, charismatic and lovable way as possible, saying: No more, y’all.
What I would like the world to know about bisexuals
I can only answer what I want the world to know about myself as a bisexual — which is that behavior and orientation are two separate things. Who I am with respect to my sexual identity (orientation) is not indicated by whom I partner with (behavior). I think, frankly, this is a really tricky concept but it’s a concept that is learnable.
What was your path to a bisexual identity?
It’s funny, I’ve probably been owning the label longer than I give myself credit for, but that’s because I think until the last few years I’ve been pretty low-key about it, which might less flatteringly be described as ‘timid.’ I did that classic thing of coming out as gay in my 20s despite always being sexually and romantically attracted and active with both males and females, because it never occurred to me that coming out as bisexual was an option, the ‘one drop’ theory, et al, etc. And then I fell in love with a woman in my late 20s and, of course, had to deal with that — which began my process. And I think I used the word bisexual starting in my early 30s to identify to myself and to others but I was mostly just engulfed in what I experienced to be the complete lack of a social and cultural context for creating that identity more outwardly. I owe my life, literally, to all the people who have participated in creating a space, a face and a cultural idiom for bisexuality and being bisexual — activist, bloggers, writers — the people behind this site and the bi magazine. I feel grateful to have made it through some very dark and difficult times and now I feel so excited to be a present, out and very vocal part of a movement that I truly believe is going to revolutionize how the world thinks about and deals with sexuality.
What is the toughest thing about being bisexual?
Being told you don’t exist. Not existing is more stressful than I could have ever anticipated.
What is the best thing about being bisexual?
The freedom to experience attraction to people.
How have other people in your life reacted to your bisexuality?
Mostly those closest to me have been supportive. I think there is a learning and understanding curve but over time I feel blessed to have/and to have been able to create a community of people who ‘get it.’ It is interesting and curious that despite bisexuality being a concept that those around me are conversant with and accepting of via their experience with me, often that doesn’t seem to translate to those same people considering bisexuality as an option when reacting to and trying to parse instances in the greater world around. Which just confirms to me that the growth process in terms of greater societal consciousness about bisexuality is destined to be, for whatever myriad of reasons, so resistant, slow and gradual. Which might just be ridiculously stating the obvious!
What advice do you have for someone who thinks they may be bi or who is in the process of coming out as bi?
Be good to yourself.
Contact: @ http://www.bi-sexualdating.com/ @ Paulmuscle444